I was finishing up my sort-of-daily yoga the other morning, actually attempting the final corpse pose despite the usual chaos all around me as two little hollering bodies jumped off chairs and the couch and each other onto my arms and legs and belly, and I was feeling a little overwhelmed. My life is really easy right now; my husband has a lot of flexibility in his schedule that lets him be home a lot more than ever before, we live within easy walking distance of parks and libraries and the university, and I have time and resources to make delicious healthy food for my family while still having ample time for personally fulfilling activities. I repeat: my life is really easy right now. But I was still feeling overwhelmed.
We just had Easter, which followed a great week of daily family devotionals, our annual Passover Seder, and a phenomenal Saturday of General Conference. Easter, however, was a bit of a wash for this mumsy. I try hard to make meaningful memories and learning opportunities for my kids, and I feel like Passover was a success this year, even though any actual ceremony and related discussion were sparse due to an increased number of tiny tummies present. By the time Easter rolled around, I guess I was done, because most of the day was full of my barking at the kids and glaring at the husband while trying and failing to listen to conference. Irony!
So as I was lying there Monday morning, listening to my screaming children and just barely resisting the urge to yell at them when they'd dive-bomb onto my stomach, I started to despair a tiny bit inside. I try so hard! And still I have so very, very far to go! Easter was one of those days that make me think of C.S. Lewis's rats-in-the-cellar analogy. When things are going well and everyone's being nice to me, I think I'm a pretty awesome person. If my toddler decides to act like a toddler for just a few minutes too long, however, BAM!--rats all over the dang place, and I realize I've got a lot of garbage to take care of. So I was overwhelmed with all those feelings of I-will-never-be-able-to-get-rid-of-my-garbage!!
And then my sweet little boy jumped fo rilz square on my stomach and tried to pry my eyelids open with his fingers, saying, "MOM! Open your eyes! It's all done, mom! It's all done!" And even though he was obviously referring to the YouTube video, I immediately knew this was God's answer to me: "elyssa, open your eyes! It's all done! It's really all done!" And suddenly I wasn't overwhelmed anymore. I do have a lot of garbage inside me, and I do need to take care of it, but I can't do it by myself. In reality, it's all been done already, and I just have to open my eyes. I can choose to stubbornly keep my head down and try to hobble along on my own, or I can look to my Savior and live--just turn and hand everything over, and, miracle of miracles, it really is all done. Even though I missed the point on the actual day of celebration, I had my own little Easter feast of joy right there on that yoga mat. I felt my heart change just a touch, and that day, I was just a little more patient than I've been before.
They say marriage is the Highest Yoga, and it probably is, but my husband is too accomodating to be my best yoga teacher. Instead, my kids are the ones who teach me every single day exactly how much I'm lacking in kindness, in patience, in integrity, and in unconditional love. But they're also the ones who teach me every single day who God is. I'm so grateful for motherhood, for yoga, for the Atonement--for these little lessons that teach me to remember that I can stop worrying and start loving and having joy right now, because, yup, it really is all done.
Exploring the spiritual side of things. Brevity is not my forte.